The Chronicles of Baby

So if you’ve been reading along, you’ll probably remember the posts I’ve written about my mini-VIP named Baby, the three year old that seems to have a personal vendetta against my success as a teacher. As I’ve said before, I have Baby 3 times a week for 40 minutes a lesson, and every time I enter the classroom it feels like I’m in the front lines of some epic battle from history, about to face an enemy of overwhelming proportions and strength. Except it’s not an army of thousands, it’s a 2 foot demon in a little girls body and her mother.

Here is a short list of happenings since Baby’s been my pupil:

-She’s clouted me on the head with a fly swatter
-After hitting me with it, she ensued by snapping my fly swatter in half
-The word I hear most often from her is “No.”
-We’ve had an unsuspected tug-o-war with my scarf. The winner is still undecided.
-She’s ripped apart countless lesson plans, paper puzzles, colouring sheets and art activities
-She cried when I asked her to say “please”
-Her mother refused to say “please” when I tried using her as an example.
-She’s ruined 3 of my markers by mashing them on the floor
-She decided to take the bag of lego’s I brought in and make it rain lego’s. There are probably still lego’s missing in action somewhere in my classroom.
-She has yet to clean up one of her messes.
-She spit in my face. Her mother said nothing. (I almost left the classroom right then and there)
-She says maybe a total of 2 sentences per class. Mostly she just jabbers in Chinese. She knows the words, just wont say them!
-Has convinced me to never have children.

Now, this is a long list of highly annoying, frustrating and stressful incidences. Sometimes she can be alright, maybe even cute…but I actually feel like the cons out-way the pro’s in Baby’s case. To be honest, I think the lessons would go a lot better if her mother wasn’t present. Having the parents in the classroom adds extra pressure on the teacher, because not only do we have to act like complete idiots in front of them (all for the sake of entertaining their precious children), but they’re also a constant judge. If Baby doesn’t want to play a game, refuses to cooperate, or doesn’t show enough progress in 40 minutes, that’s my fault. I also find that children will act differently in the classroom when their parents are present, as I’ve witnessed when parents have watched my regular classes. I have a feeling that if her mother just left Baby and I alone, Baby would be a lot more attentive and easier to handle. But Baby cries when her mother leaves and refuses to go anywhere without her. So much for that plan!

A positive thing that comes out of my experiences with Baby are the stories. Everyday when I finish a lesson and come into the staffroom, sweaty and exasperated, the other teachers are always interested to hear how it went. And as a story teller, this is always a highlight of my day. Am I grateful for having these stories, are they worth the aggravation?? Maybe, maybe not! I guess I’ll know when the torture ends. So in the meantime I’ve come to accept a simple truth: Baby has ownership of me. I’m just her own personal, expensive, foreign toy!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ben Babcock
    Aug 13, 2011 @ 00:06:33

    Oi. I do not envy your trial.

    At least remember that while you are over there, suffering at the hands of Baby, there are some of us back here who are enjoying the summer for you. ^_^ You’re welcome.

    Reply

  2. Blaine Copland
    Aug 13, 2011 @ 04:23:27

    Baby’s lessons should be a show on TLC. You’ve already got the perfect title with The Chronicles of Baby. She makes Toddlers in Tiaras sound like little angels. Her mother sure sounds like a piece of work. Hang in there, Stephanie.

    Reply

  3. maryanne
    Aug 13, 2011 @ 07:52:09

    Bring in the Nanny!

    Reply

  4. My-Tien
    Sep 18, 2011 @ 12:15:06

    I take back what I said earlier in your other post. Devil children ruin it for the rest of em. As an aunt of 7 it’s completely true that kids act like brats when their parents are around. I’d recommend trying to get the mother to leave during the lesson and make it clear Baby won’t learn otherwise. The first few times will be a raging war but she will warm up to you. This response may be too late as I’m not sure of your current schedule with Baby but maybe try it in the future if possible!

    Reply

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